I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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