She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
