hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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