i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
