Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Congratulations! We have a period
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
