see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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