Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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