Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
