Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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