I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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