He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Its about making memories worth repressing
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
