Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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