I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
