I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
