Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
