don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
