I must be too annoying 4 u.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
