My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
