just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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