I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
