how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
