so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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