I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
