he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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