hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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