We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
