Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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