OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
