My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
