I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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