i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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