I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
