I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
