**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
