Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
