If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
