he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
