Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
