Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Are my feet made of real feet?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
