Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
