i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
