did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
