I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
