Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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