Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
