There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
