Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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