Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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