My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
