brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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