His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
