you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
