i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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