JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there was a trapeze. enough said
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just forgot I was standing up.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
